Imposter Syndrome (also known as Imposter Phenomenon, Fraud Syndrome or the Impostor Experience) is a psychological pattern in which one doubts one’s accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”. Despite external evidence of their competence, those experiencing this phenomenon remain convinced that they are frauds, and do not deserve all they have achieved. Source: Wikipedia
To me, imposter syndrome is like a parasite that feeds on the host because the longer it stays, the harder to let go off.
My imposter syndrome started 5 years ago (2015) when I failed my high school examination which I was very much sure I was gonna succeed in. It was the first exam I ever failed in my life.
From then on I begin to doubt myself, my abilities, my future, my every move, what I engage in, what I can do, what I have done, and my previous achievements. 😒😒
I was like were my previous exams a fraud, luck or the examiners taking pity on me.
This affected my mentality and when I re-took the exam, I failed it again twice making 3 failures in total.
Around those periods, I worked as a computer operator at a cyber cafe in which I was good at MS Word, MS Powerpoint, and Corel Draw. Which made me believe I only have this syndrome in examinations. I then later worked at an educational institute where I register and get students ready for the same exam I failed in and more. I felt good doing this because I feel pleased with myself when they do pass the exam which am always afraid to re-take. 😞😞😞
I started my coding career in November 2018, I started with Java and then moved on to Web Development.
By March 2019, I was very good at it, built a lot of projects, and was confident in myself. I then joined a TeenCode Bootcamp by Andela in April, which lasted for a few months which resulted in me being a pro in HTML, CSS, and JavaScript. 😀
I started another BootCamp in September called *DevC Training With Andela *where I learned back-end using NodeJS, Express, and MongoDB and built awesome projects.
When I finished the Bootcamp in November, I was sure I am ready, ready to put myself out there, ready for a job. I made my portfolio, I was ready for any job coming my way or any opportunity. Then, the Imposter Syndrome struck again.
What if am not good enough, what if I failed an interview, what if I caused a major bug in a project if I got hired.
This thought keeps rambling and screaming in my head daily which got me scared and made me give up on coding.
By February 2020, I started coding again, but by then I’ve lost much on it. I had to start with the basics and was able to grab them quickly. February came to an end and I got a job offer and was asked to come for an interview.
On getting there, I saw different developers who also came for the interview. I looked around and saw how nice the workspace is and how beautiful the place is.
And then, it came again and kept me wondering:
these developers here will be better than me, I don't think am right for this job, I don't think I'll have an impact here.
So, I had to fail the interview purposely, I gave wrong answers to questions I definitely knew the answer to, gave them some small projects instead of the big ones.
I had to take a few days of coding to clear my head. Come April, my brother figured what was going on with me and gave me some advice that will help me get over it.
He told me to get an internship first so that I can learn and build alongside other developers which will help to get over not being good enough. He also told me to get on twitter and see other developer's stories, ideas, experience, and learn from them.
I did this and I went deep into the Dev Community and I saw some developer's stories and experiences.
Then I came across *Danny Thompson. His tweets are life-changing, inspiring, and awesome. Me waking up to his tweets, makes me look forward to the day and lets me know that: *I am good enough, I am skilled enough, I am great and awesome, I shouldn’t let anything or anyone define me.
So, a big thank you to Danny Thompson, he really changed and helped me a lot with his words and he’s always there for everyone.
With this article, I have been able to express my experience with Imposter Syndrome and make the better out of it.
Though I still have it, I can see it reducing in some areas in my career. The main issue now is that I am good and skilled enough but am afraid to put myself out there in other not to let myself down and others around me.
I hope this was helpful. Thanks for reading.
😊😉😊